


Love Stinks

by Talon88



Category: Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 05:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talon88/pseuds/Talon88
Summary: This is a short story making fun of the crazy plots in the Star Wars Expanded Universe.





	Love Stinks

**_~Coruscant~_ **

"Excuse me Master Skywalker!"

Luke turned to see two large men in dark suits walking up to him. He had just left a restaurant located at the upper levels of Imperial City when they interrupted his walk back to his sister's apartment. "Yes?"

The older man with greying hair and glasses pulled out a badge. "Master Skywalker, I'm detective Daven and this is detective Stouk." He motioned over to his partner who was a good four decades his junior. "We are with the Coruscant Security Force."

Luke looked at the two men confused. "How can I help you?"

The older man gave Luke a disarming smile. "We would like to bring you to the station and just ask you a few questions about one of your former students."

"Can you tell me who this about?" Luke looked back and forth between the two men.

The younger man spoke up. "Master Skywalker, this is a sensitive issue. We would rather not discuss it in public. The Station is only a block away and we promise we will try to make this as quick as possible."

"Okay," Luke said slowly as he turned and accompanied the two men to the Police station.

Once there the detectives brought Luke into a small interrogation room for questioning. Luke sat down on a chair in front of the metal table bolted to the floor as the two detectives stood across from him.

"Master Skywalker," Detective Daven began, "We would like to talk to you about the disappearance of your student Cray Mingla."

Luke sat back in his chair in shock. "Cray died years ago in the destruction of the _Eye of Palpatine."_

Detective Daven nodded his head. "Yes, we read the reports. Why didn't you report this to her family?"

Luke's eyebrows rose in confusion. "Cray didn't put down any next of kin when she came to the academy. She told me her parents were dead."

"Her parents are dead, but she had aunts and uncles and a half brother who had been looking for her."

Luke lowered his head stunned. "I'm so sorry, if I knew I would have given them the news personally."

"Uh huh," the older man said in a disbelieving tone. "Master Skywalker, when the family hadn't heard from her in a year they hired a private detective to look for her." He reached into his inside coat pocket and pulled out a datapad. He pressed a couple buttons and the screen lit up and started a slideshow of holos. "The detective found Ms. Mingla alive and well and living on Yavin IV with you."

Luke looked at the holos and his stomach fell. This was not a conversation he wanted to have.

"That's not Cray. That's Callista Ming."

"Oh really, the detective happened to collect a used plastic cup Ms. Cray discarded in the trash and ran a DNA analysis. The results show that the person pictured in these holos is Cray Mingla." Detective Stouk announced.

The older detective leaned on the desk and glared at Luke. "Where is she?"

Luke shook his head in disbelieve. "Callista left me months ago. Nobody knows where she's located."

Detective Daven straightened up and gave Luke an unflinching gaze. "Isn't that convenient."

"Are you trying to tell us that Cray Mingla, one of your students, faked her own death, changed her hair color and name and decided to shack up with her Jedi Master Instructor and now she's missing?"

Luke shook his head in frustration. "No Cray Mingla is dead."

Detective Daven cocked his head to the side. "Oh really, I thought you said she was simply missing?"

Luke closed his eyes and ran through a Jedi calming technique. "No Callista Ming is missing, Cray Mingla is dead."

Detective Daven looked at his partner. "Does any of this make sense to you Stouk?"

The younger detective shook his head. "No, and neither does the other information the private detective provided us." He pulled out his own datapad. "It seems that anybody who dates you Master Skywalker disappears or dies." He tapped on the Data. "I take that back. There was a woman named Shira Brie that survived her run in with you, but from what we were told she was severely injured when you attacked her."

"What?" Luke shouted. "She is Sith!"

Detective Daven picked up a chair and turned it around and sat in it backwards, resting his arms on the backrest. "She was of a different religion, so you attacked her?"

Luke couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the conversation. "Sith isn't a religion."

Detective Daven gave Luke a patronizing smile. "Aren't they a Force based organization just like the Jedi?"

"Yes, but neither are a religion."

"Oh really," Detective Stouk said sarcastically. "The New Republic would love to hear that. Currently the academy enjoys a generous religious tax exemption."

Luke cringed. The Academy accountant was going to kill him. "It doesn't matter, she tried to kill me first."

Detective Stouk scrolled through his datapad. "That's not what she said and the judge believed her. Did you know she currently has a standing PPO against you?"

Luke's jaw dropped in shock. "She got a Personal Protection Order out on ME?"

Both detectives nodded. "There were some other interesting things the private detective came up with. Is it true that you were romantically involved with the following women before their untimely demise: Jem from the Ysanna tribe, Mary from the planet Soley, and Gaeriel Captison?"

Luke turned white. He never really thought about it before, but the women around him did tend to turn up dead. "Yes, but they died because of the war."

"Okay, how about Tanith Shire, where is she?"

Luke shook his head. I haven't seen her in years…since I served in the Rebellion."

"That's not what we heard." The younger detective countered. You were sighted with her after the war.

"No, no no," Luke insisted. "That wasn't Tanith…that was a mind-witch that took the form of Tanith Shire. She planned to suck the life energy out of me."

The younger detective chuckled. "Really, where exactly one one's body does a Force-Witch sucks the energy out of a person?" He turned to his older partner. "That almost sounds like something a sexual predator would say."

Luke had enough. "I want to see my lawyer."

The detectives glared at him for a moment. "Fine, you are free to go…for now."

"But we would highly suggest that you find Cray." Detective Daven said.

"Or Callista," the other officer blurted out.

"Or we may have to have this conversation under less friendly circumstances."

Luke nodded as he got up to leave. Stang, he finally got rid of Callista and now he was going to have to search the Galaxy for her to clear his name. Damn, and he was hoping to ask Mara out for Sweetheart's Day.


End file.
